Jehovah’s Witness Reveal New Seattle Strategy.

A while ago my Jetta got fed up with my forgetfulness and decided it would no longer make a pinging sound if I left the parking lights on. Now every so often I walk out to start a trip only to discover my battery is dead. This happened about twenty minutes before my IMA playoff soccer game at the UW last night.

I got going early this morning to jump-start my car before Erin left for work. While my engine charged the battery I decided to clean out my car. I was in the middle of sorting the contents of my trunk into three piles on my driveway when a middle aged couple approached me from across the street. They appeared to be dressed in circa 1982 Easter clothing. The man was wearing pleated khaki pants, a metallic blue shirt, brown tweed jacket and a stunningly bright gold and blue tie. The woman was dressed in an incredibly conservative American gothic blue dress, complete with a Victorian neck line covering half her neck and ruffled sleeves extended halfway down her biceps. I was pretty sure whatever conversation we were about to have was going to be extremely awkward.

The man greeted me cheerfully. “Are you going on a trip?” I looked around at the piles of stuff on the driveway that I had intended to bring into the house, and realized that I had my getaway excuse quite literally laid out.

“Well that’s nice,” he said. “It’s is a beautiful day.” I nodded. His partner bent under the hideous green shrub by my driveway nodded. I had accidentally engaged in the ritual of mutual observation and agreement, and was now committed to as short a conversation as possible.

With the pleasantries out of the way, the man cut to the chase. “We’re walking around the neighborhood and talking to people about global warming today. Do you believe global warming is a problem?”

Fuck. I had totally misread these people. Not religious zealots, but environmental zealots. Even more embarrassing to be caught standing in my driveway sorting piles of athletic equipment while my car engine had been running for so long that a pool of condensation had collected below the exhaust pipe. I went to cut off the engine, risking a dead battery in order to save a little face in front of the Mayberry chapter of Greenpeace. I acknowledged that global warming was a problem.

He pressed forward. “Do you think global warming can be fixed?” I was puzzled now. I wanted out of the conversation, but I didn’t know which answer would free me fastest. Were they conservatives advocating carbon trading? Salesmen peddling energy efficient light bulbs?

I answered in the affirmative. This is, in fact, a small misrepresentation of what I believe. I’m not convinced global warming can be fixed, but I think public policy should address carbon emissions and energy use. Besides, I was fairly confident I could rattle off a few of the every-day practical suggestions from the ending credits of an Inconvenient Truth to defend the position

“That’s good.” He said. “I’m a minister, and I’d like to leave you with some literature about our solution to global warming.”

My mood brightened instantly. I have been extremely curious about the alignment of left wing politics and religion taking shape in the fundamentalist environmental movement. Now I had the advanced guard standing in front of me offering a collection of biblical passages supporting environmentalism. For the first time in my life I happily took the readings.

I was sorely disappointed when I was handed a flimsy pamphlet with the instantly recognizable color pencil art of the Jehovah’s Witness on the front. The pamphlet was adorned with an extremely curious interpretation of an autumn paradise—An African American couple sitting in a meadow of the American frontier surrounded by apples, pumpkins and moose.

I soon learned that Gore’s practical approach to global climate change was going to fall far far short of the ultimate solution. From the passage Suffering is Near Its End. “So Jehovah’s tolerance of wickedness and suffering is nearing its end. Soon God will intervene in human affairs by destroying this entire unsatisfactory system of things” (Watchtower 2005, 5).

I started repacking the trunk with my bags of recycling, trash, and tennis equipment. “Sorry, but I’ve gotta get going on that trip…”

To my amazement the couple seemed entirely happy to let me go. As they walked down the street towards my neighbor’s house they were followed by two unbelievably strange looking adolescents dressed like Malachai from the Children of the Corn. I have no idea where these children had been lurking, but it freaked me out. To my relief, my car started up immediately and I was left to collect my thoughts as I drove aimlessly around the neighborhood.

This is a brilliant campaign move for the Jehovah’s Witness in Seattle. When I lived in Baton Rouge, the conversation would start with some question about whether or not I believed Christ would deliver us from sin. But that line won’t fly in Seattle. Here our common cultural value is environmental. Like all good organizations the Witnesses have adapted. Beware all you the earnest greens working in the yard today. The conversation you are about to have about carbon emissions is going to lead to the same uncomfortable discussion about your eternal salvation. Knowing is half the battle..

A moment of reflection on this exchange has raised a number of interesting questions. I wonder if the Jehovah’s Witness view global warming as an indicator of the approaching last days. If so, I am now doubly committed to taking the bus and replacing my incandescent light bulbs. This will not only work to preserve the polar ice caps, but also delay the day that something comes to collect my eternal soul.

More importantly, I think I can add their concern for global warming as ammunition for conversations with those who continue to insist that global climate change is neither occurring nor caused by man. In the past, I have remarked that prominent Republicans and leaders of industry have come to accept that the global warming a problem. I have pointed out that insurance company actuaries have been forced to revise the risk of flooding based on projections of global climate change. Now that the Jehovah’s Witnesses have gotten on board, I think the case is closed.